I guess I am a little older than the generation that popularized the concept of a Fuck Buddy. I think it's a fine idea, having someone with whom there is mutual understanding that you are there to gratify each other's physical needs, and that's all. Could probably be the answer to 9/10s of the world's problems. Men obviously get the better end of this deal; however as long there are still misguided women with intimacy issues, there will be Fuck Buddies available. Speaking for us guys I can't tell you how reassuring it is to know that you can a piece of ass whenever you want. That's why half of guys get married, only to find out it's not the 24-hour all-fantasy fulfilling fuck train they signed on for. A fuck buddy, though. Perfectamundo, as Fonzy would say. If Catholics really want to prevent divorce they should encourage the proliferation of fuck buddies, and not only for priests this time.
It may surprise you to know that a fuck buddy is not what I am after. As much as I think of the FB deal, it seems to lack something. There is some sadness that attends the relationship, a suspicion about the basis of desire I suppose, and how quickly the deal would be off if one or the other partner became suddenly decrepit. Who would be there if my bone marrow suddenly dedided to go rogue, and started vomiting leukemic cells into my bloodstream? Would a fuck buddy tend to me as I faded in some hospital room, worn down to a blood-oozing skeleton by wave after wave of chemo? Doubtful.
It's true that my family and friends would be there, but that's just the problem. I spend half my time evading family and friends. If I was stuck in some deathbed I wouldn't have that option. Plus everyone wants something from the dying. Children are fearful, guilty even, wanting you not to die; friends require you allow them to cheer you up; family want forgivenes or blessing or to get you to change your will; clergy want you to confess or convert; spouses want deathbed love proclamations..."I always loved you best, darling....gasp...I see a white light...cough...there's my dead uncle Norquist...sputter, cough ....goodbye dearly beloved..."
Fuck THAT.
What I want is an attractive gal, 18-44, under 250 pounds, to be with me if I am ever dying. This is the deal we could make: if either of us is diagnosed with a terminal illness and has a short time to go, the other would drop everything and come hang out. She wouldn't have to do anything special. I am not trying to combine the death-fuck buddy into some weird hybrid (although you are free to improvise if you want to make this deal on your own). I am thinking she would just be there, mostly. She would laugh a lot and we would tell jokes and make fun of people. She would listen to my fears without judgment and without an agenda. As I began to go she would sing songs and maybe burn some sage. At the end she would touch me, wet my lips, and bless my organs as they failed. I would make my confessions to her and be absolved.
Maybe in reality it wouldn't work out so well. Or maybe I will just die in a car wreck and avoid the maudlin little scene above. But wouldn't it be nice to know that no matter what you wouldn't die alone?
The death buddy, brought to you by Erik in Athens. I hope it catches on.
BTW: Allen Hunt Show still sucks.
3 comments:
Well from someone form the generation that popularized the concept of the Fuck Buddy, I have to say your Death Buddy concept intrigues me.
I love that you blame children for being guilty for not wanting you to die...classic.
BTW: you made my ABCs of Thanksgiving this year.
I wouldn't say 'blame' exactly. People can't help feeling the way they feel. It's common for children who have lost a parent to feel some guilt or anger over the loss. My point is that as the dying person you should at least momentarily be free of other people's agendas and concerns. I'm not saying I wouldn't want friends and family to visit and kiss my ass and such, but having seen many folks die I can tell you firsthand that people bring in so much of their own needs and hopes and projections and fears, and it would be nice to have a break from all that and just be able to relax and be totally at ease with someone who doesn't need you to be any particular way except how you are. You might suggest a pastor or church representative for this sort of role, however I don't think that's quite right. There is something about a minister's presence that says 'I'm only here because of God. I have a duty to help you and your sorry-ass soul.' A death buddy doesn't care about that. A death buddy is there for YOU.
Interesting concept, although the relationship would be very unutilized until the very end, so it might be best to combine with another function, like fuck buddy.
Think about it, you gave that person countless orgazms so the least you can exppect is for them to be there when you die. Also the two functions are mutually exclusive as you point out in the beginning so there is no overlap, which might be good as well.
But in any case, quick and sudden is the way to go, "if I am ever dying" (that sort of death defying confidence is priceless by the way Erik).
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